If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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