The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
40s are totally the cure
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
