I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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