I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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