oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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