I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize