I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
