dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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