Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
