those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
