clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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