Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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