Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
