Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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