i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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