Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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