I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
