I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
