a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
