Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
