Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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