I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Someone signed my nipple.
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