and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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