People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
