So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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