i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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