im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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