2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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