hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
