i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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