I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
