i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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