I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
