Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize