White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
