We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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