Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
