pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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