Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
