shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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