I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
