I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
