dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
