Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
