He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
