I wish I could teleport
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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