I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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