I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
