You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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