Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
