And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
