You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
