Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
