no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
