I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have demons in me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
