Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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