we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
