One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
