Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize