watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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