ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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