what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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