you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just found puke in my bra..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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