if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I pour the whiskey from now on
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
